Hi All,
In contrast to writing about a series of absolutely non-consequential nonsense, I’ve chosen a rather crazy, yet important subject.
This post is a tribute to the greatest and proudest fraternity that has ever risen into prominence. Initially started as a small group of six, this federation aimed to unify all proud singles of our college who were solitary by choice rather than by chance (yes,,, we still believe and profess that!). We were all brothers from different mothers who shared the same ideas (that the chicks were just not good enough for us), thoughts (our fantasy encounters with the hottest chicks around), aspirations (realising those fantasy encounters) and approach (inappropriate, dumb and desperate). We were of the notion, and rightly so, that the girls in our institute didn’t deserve us. We were the “SBF”, or discreetly known as the “Sex Bomb Federation”
Wondering what’s with the name? Here’s the explanation (and you better fall for it!). Our federation consisted of the smartest blokes of the college, all great personalities, fantastic in sports and yet, all singles. We were self-proclaimed “Sex Bombs”, hence the name SBF. So, where exactly did we lack? I’d say besides the attributes mentioned above, all of us had some other “qualities” which struck our names off from the list of eligible and prospective boyfriends. Our rebuttal was and still is that we were simply way out the leagues of the chicks of our college. And we were punishing them by tempting them and not returning their anyways meagre and sedate advances. Now, why do I say that? Let’s save that for another time!
The most salient aspect of SBF was that each member was as illustrious as the other and a figure of authority himself. The members were sorted in a hierarchy based upon their proximity and level of acquaintance with the fairer sex (trust me, with their dense sideburns and even denser beards and moustaches, it won’t be unfair to consider us as the fairer sex!). There were guys, such as Louie, who were invited to every birthday party to regale everyone with their “chick-friendly sense of humour”. A little higher up were guys, such as CB and Dixon, who used to exchange basic pleasantries with gals, maybe a few trips to the canteen as well.
As for us, Bada Neta, Gyanu, Pelu, Neta, Jainu, Presario, Mishra and yours truly, we were pretty much the Management (guys pardon me if I have missed names). Here’s a sneek peek into their profiles:
Bada Neta: The Chairman, the nemesis of girls. It is no exaggeration to say that girls used to run into their classes as soon as they saw him in the corridors. Would pass the cheapest and the cheesiest of comments with absolute nonchalance. Would fall in love with the ugliest chicks and publicly proclaim his true love for them! Is currently handling the Federation’s affairs in the US.
Claim to Fame: Slept with A Spanish Popstar’s sister; who later turned into a lesbian!
Pelu: The Right Hand man. A thorough optimist and a self-proclaimed romantic. His modus operandi: “If I’m wearing a new shirt/jeans/vest/underwear, this is my day and I’ve got to propose to someone”. And he lived by it all through.
Claim to Fame: Completed his degree this year with literally “flying” colours. Has proposed to more than 15 girls in 5 years (yes he is a fellow YB!).
Gyanu: The most temperamental of them all. Has the balls to call up a random chick at 3 in the morning and tell her “they are made for each other”. The level of his terror: All phones in the Girls Hostel used to be switched off as soon as he made his first call. Can f*#k a goat if feeling horny.
Claim to Fame: Has his name in the “Wanted” list in the local police station.
Neta: The Underdog. Sulked all year long for a cute chick who was later rounded off by a guy popularly known as “Rickshaw Wallah” (the name is an understatement in itself!). Last heard, is doing two chicks simultaneously. Is part of the Federation only because of his friendship with other members. All in all, the most decent of all members.
Claim to Fame: Is “rumoured” to have slept with a local village girl. Has been sporting the same designer beard since past 6 years!
Jainu: The Freak. Proposed the same girl thrice in space of a year, despite being shooed away and ridiculed. Very experimental sexually.
Claim to Fame: Came up with the theory that nobody can give himself a “BJ”!!!
Presario: The Silent Assassin. Has been repeatedly caught staring at girls’ undergarments. His porn collection is said to be legendary. Last heard, has left his wandering ways and is now leading a more sedate life as a Software Engineer.
Claim to Fame: Rumours say he’s living-in with one of the same girls whose G-Strings he used to stare at.
Mishra: The Pocket Bomb. Undoubtedly, one bloke who had the best chances to part with the Federation at the earliest but is still a proud member. Very good academically.
Claim to Fame: Is rumoured to be a major crush of a weird chick, also known as “Lady Hanu”, with an elephant’s foot and a duck’s pout!
Me: The “So Close” guy. Got almost hitched right at the start to one of the most beautiful girls when his addiction to alcohol proved costly. Was believed to possess the stare of a serial rapist. Despised by even the ugliest of chicks. Later, tried his luck with a few, but flopped miserably. A self confessed porn addict, he bears the dubious distinction of being a serial “Wanker”. Was notorious for calling a certain chick every time he got drunk. Infamous for receiving the lowest internal marks and aggregate in the batch throughout his years. Was the first in his batch to be reprimanded by the dreaded Proctorial Board, when he threatened to quit college himself and was chased by faculty and guards.
Claim to Fame: Got hitched and has respectfully bowed out of the Fraternity!!!
Sushant SharmaLabels: college days, hostel life, past days, singles